You arrive to find my door unlocked.
You enter my apartment and see me standing before the mirror, dressed as TC Bear, the team mascot for the Minnesota Twins.
I offer you a selection of several other team mascot costumes. You choose Fred Bird, of the St.Louis Cardinals, not commenting on the huge hole ripped out just below the tail feathers.
We move to the couch and watch the playoffs, during which I gaze at you lovingly, with my huge, unblinking plastic eyes.