Main | Monday, May 16, 2005

Search Terms Of Endearment

I am a complete Google whore. Aside from being a devoted fan of their search engine, I use their blogging software and I use their email service. Sitemeter, while not a Google service, provides me with almost endless amusement at the various Google search terms that you, my gentle readers, have used to find Joe.My.God. Here's a quick breakdown of some recent examples.

"i want to f*** my mother"

Seriously people. Stop that. Right now.

"i want to f*** my aunt"

What, Mom isn't good enough for you?

"sex party with young boys first time"

Oh sure, you tell one measly pre-adolescent sex story, and suddenly you're NAMBLA material.

"oh my god i can't feel my legs"

OK, I really want to know how this turned out.

"those draq queens stole my car"

Great, now the Bloods and the Crips have competition from the Stillettos.

"hello my name is child molester"

Hello, my name is "I'm calling the POLICE."

"glory holes in my city"

And what city would that be, dipshit?

"i was fisting a french boy and he cried"

That figures. Those cheese eating surrender monkeys.

"picture of a baby being helped"

I'd really like to know what this means.

"is joe god?"

Too easy.


Let's have some fun with this. Hmmm, OK....um, yesterday Lindsey Lohan was being fisted by a sexy porn MILF, when who should walk in but Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, straight from their bukkake video shoot. Their barely legal nubile virgin bodies were ready for their deflowering and luckily a naked Brad Pitt was there with a topless Angelina Jolie to help him. Catholic school girls and some Boy Scouts were watching on their high-definition flat screen but the upskirt video was totally amateur. Pam Anderson and Paris Hilton were standing nearby waiting to get into Star Wars: Revenge Of The Sith. At Walt Disney World, Britney Spears was watching American Idol on her Sidekick while wearing an NBA jersey and a NASCAR hat. Over in Las Vegas, Hilary Duff was seated in her Escalade reading Harry Potter while listening to Eminem and 50 Cent on her iPod. Hey, which is better, Pokemon or Dragonball? Playstation Portable or Xbox? Is online gambling better than real casinos? Does Jennifer Lopez have breast implants? Is Viagra better than Cialis?

Update: Curse words removed from search terms to stop those weirdos from finding JMG.

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