Main | Wednesday, April 12, 2006


Last night, during my usual post-work Law & Order marathon, I had a funny thought. Wouldn't it be great, if like the lawyers and prosecutors on Law & Order, we could go through life getting away with saying really nasty shit to people, as long as we followed it up with "Withdrawn!"?

Assistant District Attorney Jack McCoy: Isn't it true, Ms. Twatdiddle, that you were widely known in the accounting department as the girl who was always having a party in her mouth and that everybody was coming?"

Defense Attorney: OBJECTION!!

Judge: Sustained!

McCoy (throwing up hand): Withdrawn!

Judge: OK, then.

See how great that works? I'd love to be able to use that in my personal life.

Joe: Isn't it true, Vice President Spankerton, that you are the laziest executive to ever draw a check from this company and that you have been known to spend your "business" lunches visiting the 8th Avenue porn shops in pursuit of your obsession with underage Asian girls?

Vice President: You're fired!

Joe: Withdrawn!

Vice President: OK, then.

Or you could use it sexually, like when you pick a guy up online, based on his photographs in which he looks exactly like Matthew Fox.

Door opens.

Yoda: Mmmmmmph. Joe.

Joe: Withdrawn!

Door closes.

YODA: Ok, then. (departs, not using The Force to blow up building.)

I can even seeing using this technique to take back a cruise you've just given in error.

Hot guy coming down the sidewalk sees you cruising him. He gets closer, cruises you back, and then you realize he's not so hot.

You: Withdrawn!

Not Hot Guy: Ok, then.

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